I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
