what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
