Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
