bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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