i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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