My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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