I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
