Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
