no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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