also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
