I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
