Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize