420 ftw
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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