Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
