So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
