Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
