Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
