Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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