There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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