i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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