At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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