hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Every concussion has its silver lining
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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