Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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