Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
