ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just high enough for therapy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
