I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
