its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I touched a dick in church today
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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