I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
