If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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