loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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