he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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