You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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