I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
