Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize