this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You ruined the universe
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
