i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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