Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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