i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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