WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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