it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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