For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
