Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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