I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
