what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
