I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
