We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
