Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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