8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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