Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
