I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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