There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
