My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
