addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
