Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
