This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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