If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
