"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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