If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am available for nakedness
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
