I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
