ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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