Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
