She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
