we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
MIDGETS
????
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize