Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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